Well, that was fun while it lasted!
In a little less than a month, the last issue of The Mirror will roll off of the press. I'm really sad about it, for a number of reasons. Not the least of which is that I will once again be out of a job.
I was beginning to like it in Thomson. I was beginning to get to know the people. I like to think at least a few of them were starting to trust me. (Small towns are funny like that. It takes time for them to decide to know and like you. Until they do, you don't stand a chance.)
I was doing what I love....meeting cool people and telling their stories. I really didn't mind sticking around the office for a few extra minutes when I needed to. I didn't mind presenting ideas, because it was fun and didn't feel like just one more thing added to an over-filled plate.
The drive was nice, too. Oh, I hated it every (frequent) time I went to the pump, but the drive itself was nice. I had an hour and a half alone with myself each day. I caught up on phone calls. I psyched myself up and down for work. I solved the world's ills..at least in my mind. I caught up on karaoke practice.
I'm really not sure what I'm going to do next. I don't say "now," because we still have a few issues to produce. The atmosphere around the office has been somewhat like a funeral, but I have made up my mind to contiue to work as though no atomic bomb has fallen on our heads. In a month, everything will change. But until then, everything is the same. I still have stories to write, and I still love what I do, so I'm going to keep doing it to the best of my ability. Why not?
While this was a shock, it's much different than last time. Then, I'd grown to hate my job. I think I was completely burned out. I was relieved to walk away. A five-month rest greatly rejuvinated me. The ideas flowed again, and they had merit. I remembered that I'm a good reporter and I rediscovered my passion for it. Working at The Mirror reminded me of all of that and restored my confidence. My friends noticed that I was more myself than I had been for a long time. I was happy.
I can't tell you how much I am not looking forward to going back into unemployment. It's not even the uncertainty of it all. It's the drudgery of not having any place to go or anything meaningful to do. You have to create that for yourself, I know. But I mean, I did that. I went to school and built a career. I found something to do that was meaningful to me. But when it's gone, then what? I spent five months trying to figure that out and never found the answer.
I've decided the best thing I can do is capitalize on the momentum I have now and work toward finding another job while I still have a reason to put on makeup. While I still believe I have something of value to contribute. Because if I sit around long enough, I'm afraid I will forget again.
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