Dream a little dream

I've said it's a dream of mine to own a house. "Tis true. I think what I really need, though, is to become a turtle. I mean think about it! I'm never home, so I'm in an almost perpetual state of "I want to go home." But I can't stand to be home for extended periods of time or I get bored. And I hate yardwork. So it makes sense to have a home I can take with me.

Yep, what I need is an RV*. It makes perfect sense, if you think about it.

This way, after a big Walmart run, not only can I spare them the bags (can I just use your cart for a minute? I'll just put the groceries away right from the buggy. Just doing my part to be green. Thanks!), but I can sit down, kick off my shoes, sip some tea and chill for a minute before moving on to my next errand.

No, it won't be hard to resist the gazillion other things Walmart offers, so I won't spend tons there. Every purchase would be preceeded by one thought: "Where the heck am I going to put it?"

I can pick up an RV cheaper than a mobile home (which isn't even mobile! Go figure.) And then I need a nice half acre lot somewhere, preferably either on a hillside or on a lakeshore for maximum inspiration, to park whenever I feel like being "home." By that home, I mean the place where my roots are.

If you drop by to visit and the house is gone, it's pretty safe to assume I'm not home. And that I've come into some money to pay for gas.

I wouldn't need to pay an big electric bill. Surely even when I'm plugged in at home base, the electric bill couldn't be that high. I'd have satellite and a cell phone, of course. Anybody know how a septic tank might work for something like that? Get a well drilled and my overhead should be fairly miniscule. (As long as I'm stationary.)

This lack of need for materialistic things, as well as the low overhead, would also eliminate my need to climb the corporate ladder, see. As long as I earn enough to eat, I would be okay. If all goes well, I'll make that much as a writer, right? (Shh...I hear you my artist friends. Laughing is not nice. We must support each other. Thank you.)

Think about it, though. I mean, I could aspire to buy a $200,000 house that I can only use for about the next 50 years and that is too big for me to want to clean. Or I can spend that money (if, indeed, I actually earn that over the course of my lifetime), and use it to experience things. And write then about it so that other people can experience it vicariously.

I could pull this off! When I'm bored, (and when enough people buy my work for me to afford the gas) I could pick a spot on the map and just go. (I might even make it as far as Wrens!) And then write I could write about it, although there really isn't much inspirational in Wrens. Unless, of course,  there is a tornado. Which is likely during 1 out of 2 springs.

If I meet a muse in my new locale, I could stay a while and write like mad til it leaves. Or I get bored, in which case I might have to get a job at McDonalds in order to make enough dough to go home. Or wherever I end up running out of gas.

I should probably wait until the kids are grown to live this crazy dream, though. They're still a little too fond of their video games. And stuff. And privacy. And friends. And I'd have to homeschool. (God bless those of you that can do it. I'm more likely to forget to adminsister a math test than they are to forget to do their homework.) Plus, I'm not sure they make an RV big enough to hold us all!

Can't you just see it, though? The kids will call from college:

Kid: "Hey, Mom. I want to come visit. Where are you? "

Me: "Juneau. It's beautful. And freezing. I'm wrapped in a Snuggie, staring at the snow. It's gorgeous here. I'm writing about a crazy woman who sells all of her possessions and travels the country in an RV, and then writes about the things she sees and the people she meets. In the end she writes this amazing bestselling novel, makes millions and buys a newer model. And her own gas station. In every state."

Kid: "She almost sounds like you. Hey, I want to come visit, but I can't afford the plane ticket. Can you spot me some?"

Me: "Sorry, hon, I'd love to but I can't. Hey Christmas is coming...in about six months. Could you tell the family I'd like gas cards in my stocking? Thanks, Hon! Love you! Gotta run. My shift starts in 5 minutes. "

*I said RV. Not a bus. This will run, have an intact interior, and living space will not be shared with any motorized vehicle. Thank you for your concern. ;)