A New View of Life, Part 1

There's something that's been on my mind for a couple of weeks now, but it's kind of complex and I haven't really had time to sit down and flesh it out on paper. I really don't have time now, either, and I'm quickly coming to the conclusion I never will. Sooo....perhaps this is going to be a series of smaller blog posts.

I've finally stopped looking back; I'm looking ahead. I'm all put back together again, with a few weak joints still, but it's all good. I'm not treading water, either, trying to just make it from day to day the best way I know how. I'm really ready to move forward.

I'm in the perfect position to determine where I want to go. I have almost nothing. I can choose to see that as a disadvantage, or I can see it as a place to build from. I choose B. (Yes, these are my plans, and God may laugh, but He can't change my direction if I'm standing still. I like to think He's behind my new way of thinking.)

I've been talking for a long time about buying my own house. I want that security. But I want to own it outright. Otherwise, what's secure about it? And I really want to stop giving away more than a quarter of my salary. I can do so much more with that money. (Hang on to that idea. We'll get back to it later.)

I get frustrated with my job sometimes because I earn just enough to cover the bills, and I rarely have anything left over for anything else. I feel like I'm never going to get ahead at this rate.

And then I start thinking: what exactly is "ahead"? The two story house with a white picket fence? That would have been lovely to raise children in. But unless I finally hit that lottery win, I won't be getting it. My youngest will graduate high school in six years. What good is a 2,000 square feet, 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms to knock around in it by myself? Because it will take me at least that long to get it.

I think it's more realistic to stop thinking about buying a home for my children, and instead think about where I want to live out the rest of my days. Where do I want my kids to come "home" to and to bring the grandchildren? When I move from this rental, where my children have more roots than they have ever known, it won't be into a "starter" home. It will be into the place I will stay until I can't manage alone anymore.

Long story short, unless God sends Mr. Right-For-Me, it's just going to be me. Don't get me wrong...I hope He does. In the meantime, what do I want? What do I need? A lot less than I'm used to thinking I do.That's what all of this really comes down to: need versus want. I need four walls and a roof. I want the marble palace. Don't I? Nah...not really.

I have figured what I do want, and I will share it in a later post. My next post on this subject will cover what I'm thinking about money. Maybe. Or maybe more on the "need vs. want." It all ties in together to form the vision I see for the next chapter in my life. But for now, I need to move the kids toward the bed.

They take full advantage of the fact that I'm occupied!