The Kiddies! (Back when they were still kiddies).

Today my oldest turned 16. That's so hard to believe. I forget what he said last night, but I was reminded that in a few short years, he'll be leaving the nest.

But anyway...I thought in honor of the day I'd show some pictures of both of them when they were still "little kids". :) These are in no particular order. Hopefully they won't kill me. ;)

The day we brought Catie home from the hospital. Poor Christopher didn't know what to think!

Okay...I have to explain Catie's expression, bless her heart! She had so much hair it would get in her eyes. She would blow her hair out of her face, and that's what she's doing here! She hadn't learned to use her hands, and the only way to keep a barette in her hair was to superglue it!

I see pics like this and I just want to grab her up and snuggle her. I can't. She's officially bigger than me.

Awwww

Catie's first Christmas. She wasn't so sure about the whole Santa bit. And Christopher had a cheesy smile to suit every occasion...and camera.

This is precious for so many reasons. Neither my Nanny nor my Uncle Roy are with us now. Remind me to one day tell you about Christmases at Nanny's house. They were the best!  But anyway....Nanny sure loved her great grands!

Catie's keeping an eye on Grandma! I don't remember what Rhonda's watching. I'll assume it's either Ron playing Redneck Santa, or Christopher on his new bike.

One of my favorites! Christopher and Papaw! This was taken when we lived in Louisville--little farmhouse, lots of land. Except for the whole one car, no phone, 60-mile-from-home thing, I loved it. Daddy (aka Papaw) came to visit every other week like clockwork. He would get to town anywhere between 1 and 3 p.m and stay until 1-3 in the morning. I always looked forward to cooking dinner, although sometimes we'd drive to Pizza Inn in Sandersville. It never failed, either. Daddy would come in the house, visit about 30 minutes, then spend two hours roaming the fields and the woods behind the house. Man...those were the days. :)

Christopher and Socks. I love cats. That wasn't a cat. That was a dog in cat's fur. Although, really, I kind of like dogs, too. I hated that cat. It was a rescue. We found her under a junk car in the back yard. She couldn't eat, so we bottle fed her cat formula. And then she grew up, lived on my dining room table and strew trash from the garbage can all over the house. But she was Christopher's baby, so we kept her.

Still one of my favorite pictures of my baby boy. Tee hee...

What cute rain boots! And the toothless smile is adorable too!

My princess! Every year, that's all she wanted to be.

Scary! The kid is pretty cute, though! LOL I have to say, I was really proud of my makeup job on his face. I'm not terribly crafty with that kind of thing.

I saved this one for last. It's a really good picture of both of them...and Cody. Cody had to be put to sleep last week. He was 15 in people years, and Christopher was just telling me he doesn't remember a time without him. Cody was a great dog who was very well loved. He had a wonderful life.

Golly, ya'll...I've got some good looking kids!

What is it about an empty house that makes it so much easier to clean?

I don't mean stuff...heaven knows I have too much of that for it to ever be "empty". I mean no people.

I'm going to work later because I'm working a little later tonight. The weather's nice, the windows are open, the radio is on, the kids are at school...the perfect environment for tackling a little housework. How come it doesn't feel as good on a Saturday, when the kids are home? Or at night, after I've kicked my shoes off. It's not like they are even in the way! One will be on the computer, the other will be in their room. I could probably hit them with a little Pledge, polish a nose or an ear and they'd never even flinch.

And yet, for some reason, here I sit, plastic grocery bag on my arm, ready to tackle the pile of papers on my desk, the mile-long want-to-do list now shelved for another day, pausing for a moment to share this thought with you. This pile has been bothering me for weeks. So has the nasty dustpan that needed cleaning, the table that's been collecting newspapers since Saturday, the laundry room floor that needed a good sweeping. I think I'll be taking a day off work before school's out just to finish. :)

Kids don't always make you crazy!

I've determined having teenagers keeps you young. I was thinking this after driving a carful of them home from the skating rink last night. We've got the dance music blaring, the kids are all jabbering about their friends at school and their sore feet, and they don't seem to mind that I'm a grown up. (Maybe dancing had something to do with it? Nah...I'm clearly uncool when I do such things. Which is only more incentive!)

It almost made me feel like I was a teenager again, too. I didn't skate, but I showed up at the rink early, found a spot and fired up the Kindle. One of Chris's friends came over and started talking to me as we were getting ready to leave, about her shoes and her mom, and completely left her boyfriend on the other side of the rink. I thought, "How cool is this, that I'm someone she wants to talk to?"

Having teenagers is really neat, most of the time. But then I started thinking about them as they grew up and you know? Kids are pretty cool at any age. There is nothing better than snuggling a newborn, or feeling a toddler's spindly little arms around your neck with a poorly formed "I love you" on your cheek. Or having your back-pack-clad elementary schooler look up at you like you are the smartest person on earth.

I hope that for the entirety of my life, I find something wonderful to enjoy in my children at every age. Even when they're 50!

Germany 2010

I was reading back over my posts the other day and remembered I promised to show you pictures from Germany (in case you haven't already seen them.)

We were there this time last year, and it was just amazing! I was just getting used to the idea of visiting another state by myself, but traveling 10 hours to a whole other continent? Unfathomable. And flipping awesome!

It was my first plane ride ever (okay...since I was six months old), and I really wasn't terribly crazy about that part. But Germany was absolutely beautiful. I can't even describe it.

Here are a few of my favorite photos. I promise, they don't do the country justice.

This is the Hauptstrasse. Think gigantic outdoor mall...in old buildings. Or maybe they just look old to me, because they don't look like anything here.



(Look!they even had a Subway! And it says so...in English.)

The cousins...

Heidelburg Castle, as seen from the Hauptstrasse:



Heidelburg, as seen from Heidelburg Castle

I don't recommend the Gluhwein (hot mulled wine). Maybe at other places it's good, but I wasn't impressed. BUT...I did try it here! (Aren't you proud?)

The windmills...they fascinated me. I don't know why.

 It's so Heidi! Maybe that's it.

My summer home. :)

(Or...the home of a crazy medieval king. And Cinderella.)

I tried in vain to capture the majesty of the Alps. Let me tell you, it is wild. You'll be just driving down the road, and look out the window and all of a sudden it's like "Whoa..check out that giant snow capped mountain!" Truly amazing. I wonder what it's like on a clear day. It was really foggy and they took me by surprise.

P.S. There is no capturing the majesty of these mountains in a 2-dimensional photograph.

P.S.S. Christopher took this picture...from the window of Neuschwanstein Castle.

I was also fascinated by towns. I mean...there really is an edge of town. It's like....lots of buildings, then country. If you live on the edge of town, a cow could walk up to your back door. No really.  

I was also fascinated by castles. They are randomly scatted across the country. You're driving down the road, look up on a mountaintop (there are lots of mountains), and boom...there is a castle. And...oh, look! There's another one.

We flew 10,000 miles to eat hamburgers, French fries and a chocolate shake. In a 1950s American diner. With Marilyn Monroe and Elvis posters on the wall. It could be worse. I could have taken pictures of the McDonald's! (By the way, if you ever go, I highly recommend the shakes. But eat a big juicy Angus burger here before you go.)

An amphitheater built by Hitler on a Heidelburg hilltop. I kinda got the heebie-jeebies. There was a shed like thing just off the road. I was afraid to go in there. I think I was afraid the man's evil would drag me into the nether regions of the earth. But it turned out just to be a well. I still wouldn't go in. I'm taking nooo chances.

Translation? Anybody? I took Spanish.

I mean...we had to get our groove on sometime!

Ha...but nobody got pictures of me doing the Cha-Cha Slide! ;)

Look! It looks like Helen, Ga.!

Okay. That's it for now. That was fun. Hopefully one day I'll get to go back. And then I want to see France. And Italy. And maybe more of Austria.

Then and Now...

So I told you, right, that my daughter has decorated her doorway with photos of her life?

Most are pictures of herself, and there are quite a few of her dad. (I cleaned out my photo albums and gave them all to her.) One or two of her older brothers, and one or two of the four of us as a family.

So...in addition to all of that, I get to see this gem every time I go to her room. (She wanted me to share it.)

For some reason, this is the photo that always stops me. I don't remember exactly when it was taken. Catie looks to be about 5 or 6, so that would make it...2003 or 2004. Something like that. Isn't she adorable!! The other person....well, that was a lifetime ago, and she no longer exists. Everytime I stop to look at this, one of the kids remarks how I don't look like that anymore. ("See me now?" I say. "This is what happiness looks like." I don't really say that, but I should.) Some days, though...this is still what I see when I look in the mirror.

I remember the trip...vaguely. We were having trouble, but which troubles those were there's no telling. This weekend was a bit of a respite. I really didn't want to go to Darlington. I'd have rather gone to the mountains. He really wanted to go and I think was hoping to catch a race. We also visited Dale Earnhardt Inc. I was bored out of my mind, but happy to be out of town and actually staying in a hotel room. (We could have slept in the car at a rest area. It's happened.) He compromised, and we stopped at Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia on the way back for the kids.

Oh, and for comparison's sake, here I am three weeks ago at Hope's wedding:

LOL I just picked this one for the "TA DA" expression! Actually, I think that was what was really going on. Someone asked why wasn't I dressed yet and I said "I am! Ta Da!". We'll be thankful that it's not closer, however. I didn't have my face on yet!

I may have to find more pictures to show you. Not necessarily of me....but there are lots of stories now hanging in my hallway. I'll try to find good ones.

Suppertime is party time....right?

Yeah...we think so.

In a superbly efficient moment of poor planning, I decided Monday night would be a fantastic time to make fried chicken...that I forgot to thaw first (a chronic flaw of mine).

Luckily, it was all drumsticks. Undaunted, I kicked off my shoes, popped open the windows, popped the chicken in the mikey to thaw, flipped on some 90s-era country music, and commenced to peeling potatoes, singing Randy Travis and dancing around the kitchen. (Have I ever mentioned I love to sing?)

The kids are used to it. Most of the time, they turn a blind eye. Bless their little hearts.

"Don't ever let anybody ever tell you your mama ain't country," I told Christopher, while I turned chicken legs and bebopped. He replied, "Oh, I never said you weren't."

Suddenly the lyrics to my old favorite "If That Ain't Country" by Anthony Smith ran through my mind and begged to be heard. I pulled it up on YouTube, shared it on Facebook, and....then the kids took over.

I'm stirring gravy, they're playing Big and Rich. They fix their plates and I counter with Trace Adkins. We're all dancing and singing and laughing and talking and eating.

Frankly, ya'll...that was fun.

The bi-semi-annual-ish bedroom mucking out...thing

I'm cleaning out my room...finally!

Sadly, it becomes the catchall when I can't figure out where I want to put things I don't want in my living room. My cleaning philosophy tends to be: keep the places company would see clean enough for, well, company. The rest will wait until I have time. Someday.

Today is someday. I'm sick of looking at the two TVs, the laundry, the shoes spilling out of the closet, the papers piled up on the dresser, and....the dust bunnies are laughing at me!

I pulled everything out of my closet. I vacuumed the floor, even the baseboards. I put back only the articles of clothing I have worn or can concieveably see myself wearing. Seriously, ya'll. I haven't bought a stitch of new clothes in probably a year (until my awesome score last week). Where did all these clothes come from?

Everything I pulled off the hanger I asked myself if someone else may like better. Like the long, sheer brown tunic. I don't remember where I got it, but I could see myself looking all tropical and exotic in it. I have no bottoms for it. It's too sheer to wear as a dress. And since I rarely shop....there it hung, waiting on some kind of bottoms to magically materialize. Which hasn't happened yet., and I've had it at least a year. Maybe two. Yeah....it had to go.

Three bags of clothes. How does a woman who hates to shop come up with three bags of unloved clothing?

Wait. Don't answer that. I already know. Somewhere in one of those bags is a long golden-brownish skirt, made of sweater material. It's kind of stretchy (important to note, because I've worn it many times through the years as I gained and then lost about 30 pounds. Sadly, it still fits.). I traded my sister for the matching green one because she liked it better. In 1992.

Please don't call Hoarders. Yet.

Singlehood: Life is good

Before I left my husband for the last time, I made up my mind I wanted to be happy by myself before I got involved in another relationship. When I met him, I thought I needed a man to be happy.

This summer will make five years since I left him. I'm really glad I have taken the time I have. It gives you perspective you can't have while you're still hurting.

I'm very happy with my life. It took me a really long time to get here, though. I had to get over more than just my husband. I was over him years before I finally make the break, but there was a lot of damage that needed to heal. I had completely lost myself, and I needed to be restored.
This singlehood thing has been on my mind a lot lately. Not because I'm anxious to change it, but I think because we're getting ready to start a study in small groups on Ruth. I've been reading a different book about her, and the story centers on widowhood and barrenness and what it means to be a woman. In those days, you were nothing without a man. Your father took care of you until your husband assumed the responsibility. If you didn't have a husband, God help you.

It's not like that anymore, but I think it's in our genetic makeup to be paired up. And society still tells us that something is wrong if we're single for too long. I also think some people are just constantly searching for companionship because they just don't know any other way to be, and they're afraid to be alone.

Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 8 that it is better to be single, and I think I understand why. When you let go of this worry, this fear that you'll never find another mate, you're free. You're no longer torturing yourself, and you're free to just work on healing. 

You're free to focus on your children, your job, your friends, your family. You're free to figure out what you want for the rest of your life. I mean, think of all the things you can do! And there's nobody to tell you you can't. You're free to stop and smell the roses. Take an extra three hours to get to a destination (provided no one is waiting for you) so you can investigate a curiosity along the way.

You're free to give away anything you choose to someone who needs it more. You're free to join the mission field in Cambodia, if that's where God is leading you. And there's no spouse's job to take into consideration. There is an absolute freedom to do His will that you won't find as a married person,when there are dual careers and mortgages to worry over.

Most importantly, you're free to focus your attentions on building your relationship with God. The time that isn't spent fighting with a mate can be spent peacefully reading the Bible. During the final days of your marriage (or relationship), the turmoil that kept your stomach in knots also kept your brain distracted from the good things in life. Now you're free to see and enjoy those things.

It's scary at first. I remember sitting in my lawyer's office one day when she told me it had taken her 19 years to find her current husband. Her happiness radiates from her face. But I thought, "19 years??" That had to be the worst thing I'd ever heard!

But in dating now...the men I choose to spend time with are men whose company I truly enjoy. One of the greatest freedoms I have is the freedom to say "No" to anyone that I feel is disrespectful to me or my children. Because I have learned to enjoy sitting at a dinner table by myself, I don't have to find just any ol' warm body to fill that space. I don't have to settle.

Understand, I'm not saying I don't ever want to get married. But I don't have a boyfriend at the moment. What I am saying is I can choose to focus on remedying that situation -- viewing it as a major shortcoming of mine -- or I can choose to see this fact as an advantage and focus instead on the things in my life that give me joy. I choose the latter. One day I will be 97 years old and sitting in my rocking chair. If Mr. Right never shows up, I will still look back on my life and say, It was good.

Trips and shoes

I should have been in bed an hour ago. I have to be up before the chickens to take my mom to the airport. She's going to visit my sister in Europe. Yes...I'm jealous!

Only kinda sorta. I got to go last year. I'll post pictures later. It was an awesome trip and something I never thought I would do, especially as a single parent. I drank in every second. Everywhere I went, every experience I had I kept thinking "How awesome is this?!?" If you ever get to go, I highly recommend it. Majesty = the Alps, and no amount of pictures will do them justice.

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I really want to blog about the single life. I've recently come to believe that it really is an amazing gift. We are just too steeped in the idea that we have to be a part of a couple to be happy. But that blog will have to wait until I have time to flesh it out better.

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I have to tell you this. I went shopping at the consignment store the other day. I only planned on buying stuff for the kids, but this one had mostly women's clothing, so I thought I'd browse while Catie looked for clothes. Yeah....two piles later, I ended up with a dress, a skirt, four tops, a pair of capris and a pair of shoes...for $27. I was ecstatic. It was made sooo much better when I picked my mom up from the airport wearing my prized Ann Taylor ensemble ($3.75 skirt and $3 shirt) and her jaw dropped! I guess I need a picture of this outfit, too. :)

So tonight, I've got the whole shoot and shebang laid out across my bed, trying to figure out what I want to wear tomorrow. Catie is sitting on my bed offering her opinion. Basically...in her honest opinion, most of my outfits are cute except for the ugly granny shoes I bought. I didn't think they were bad, but I forget...I am woefully uncool and have no taste. What do you think?

Eh...perhaps I should go back and get those strappy sandals. :)

Goodnight, ya'll. I didn't even know the clock had another 5:00... 

It comes and goes....too quickly

It cracks me up how different the kids are. It's got to be a boy/girl thing.

Christopher turns 16 in two and a half weeks. Our conversations have been like:

Me: What do you want for your birthday?
Him: I dunno.
Me: What kind of cake do you want?
Him: I dunno.
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Him: I dunno.

Catie had hers planned for months. She wanted cake with green icing, sugar free so her diabetic grandparents could have some. With neopolitan ice cream, so everybody could have their favorite kind. She had a list of things she wanted (if I could remember, I would share). She knew exactly who she wanted to spend the night, where she wanted to go the next day, and she executed every bit of it. We made a weekend of it.

I have Christopher's narrowed down to two or three things he wants for his birthday. That's it. I've been working on him for three weeks already. I wonder if I should just tell him when to show up??

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How lame am I that the best thing I can think of to do on a Friday night is pay bills and make a grocery list?

Actually, that's not true. I can think of a lot of better things to do. However, money is like water around here, but it doesn't even take sunlight to make it evaporate overnight. It's payday weekend. For most people, that means par-tay. For me, that means a mad dash to pay whoever I owe money to and buy whatever I think I might need for a month...quickly....before it's all gone. Which is usually the next day.

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I watched Extreme Couponing on TV the other night. I have to say...I'm inspired. I'm in awe at any rate. But what on earth would you do with 1,000 boxes of cereal? Some of these people's stockpiles looked like grocery stores. It was kind of cool, but I don't think I want that in my house. I'm cluttered enough as it is! LOL Although, how cool would it be to throw your garage doors open and let whoever needs to come and help themselves?

Anyway, I am inspired. So before I run off to the pharmacy to get Christopher's medicine, I think I'm going to wade through a stack of coupons and see if I can score a free bottle of lotion. No, I really don't need 47 of them. One would make me turn a cartwheel in the middle of the pharmacy. (It would really look more like a monkey-dunk, but I digress...)

I'll do it again before I go to the grocery store tomorrow. That's going to be an ordeal enough. I go through my cabinets, come up with meal plans, see what I need to round it out. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Angel Food? Yeah. I should be able to round it out for $100 or less. But since I have a huge stack of coupons anyway, I want to see if I can do it up even better. How cool would that be?

New life: Part 3: The Dream

Okay. I'm using a lot of words to get to the point. (Hi! I'm Lisa and this is so me.)

Here is what I want: A cabin at the lake (or in the woods...I really just want to see nature and fall asleep to the crickets and bullfrogs). And no mortgage.

Here is how I think I can get it by the time I'm 50:

(and here is where you're going to think I'm completely insane. Please don't have me committed. Those white jackets are so last season...and uncomfortable!) Just go with me here:

I can't go anywhere for six years. I want the kids to finish high school where they start, and I don't see being able to pull off much of anything for a few years anyway.

The good thing about being a single parent is the tax refund. Yeah, baby! So I figure, if I can put 1/2 to 1/4 of it away every year, in six years I can have between $15,000 and $20,000. I only want about an acre. I just want to be able to overlook someone else's 500 acres. At current prices, I could get a piece of property with utilities for $10,000 or less. (Maybe not at the lake, but...)

Leaving me $5,000-$10,000 to buy a used RV. (I'm still working this out. The super nice ones, used, are going for about $30,000. Unless I get a camper, which would necessitate a huge truck to pull it with, unless I get someone to park it on the land and never move it). Or something of the sort. It's going to be just me, and all I need is four walls and a roof, right? But at that point, I own land and an RV (or camper) and no mortgage. And how bad do you think utilities could be?

Assuming I save only $100 off of utilities, I will save $750 per month. Tuck that away for 5 years (and assuming 0 interest earned and that I don't add an extra dime to it), I will have $45,000. In cash. Think I could build a cabin for that? During that time, I may even work a second job, just to pad that nest egg even more. But that doesn't mesh with a simplified life, so we'll see.

Enter my new dream cabin. It was a very simple design. Basically...a wooden box. Think one big square room. The bedrooms were glorified partitions.One quarter of this "room" (house) was sectioned off into two bedrooms and a bathroom. There were windows everywhere and a wide porch on all four sides. Perfect for shade and cross breeze. It had a huge fireplace which kept the place plenty warm enough. If I don't have a fireplace, I will want at least a wood burning stove. This cabin was bigger than I would need, but basically it was perfect! And so comfortable. This wasn't even my place and I felt like I was home.

I think it could be built fairly inexpensively. Even if I had to take a loan out for a little bit, that wouldn't be so bad, as long as I could pay it off quickly. The overall goal is to be completely debt free.

Oh, and as soon as I turn the key in the lock, I would own, outright -- (hopefully) -- land, a house and an RV (or camper)....which I could choose to keep and use, rent out for some extra dough, or just sell. And I will have saved thousands by not having to pay interest on a mortgage.

The benefit of this plan is not only that I could get what I want (a mortgage free home of my dreams), but that the minute I move onto the land, I will have a larger cash flow even if my income never increases...which means that while my kids are making their own way in the world, I will actually have the funds to help them along...at least a little. It might take me a little longer to get my cabin, but that would be so worth it.

And not just my children. I would be able to help anybody who needs it. I hope. My dream would be never to have to say "no" again...especially in the face of someone who is asking for food.

So this is my long term dream. I figure it this way: If this is what I shoot for, and I'm saving money for it for the next six years.... is there a downside??? God may definitely have other plans for me (I'm sure He does). But again...I need a plan for moving forward. He can't change my direction if I'm standing still: just working and paying the bills with no idea where I'm going or how I'm going to get there. If I do that, I will wake up 20 years from now and wonder what happened to my life.

That's the long term aspect. In the short term, like immediately, I have to learn how to help others more right here where I'm at. But you've been patient enough to read this much....I'll save that for another blog post. Perhaps another day. I think we'll close this little series. For now, anyway.

New Life: Part 2: lifestyle

What I'm talking about here is lifestyle, more than a house. But our homes reflect our lifestyles. I want to simplify both.

My job takes me into a lot of homes. They're as varied as the people who live in them. But once I was in a home where the hardware on the doors was worth $30,000. If you totalled up everything I own, including retirement and my car, you won't get $30,000.

(I begrudge the guy nothing. He worked for everything he has, and he has a right to spend it on whatever he wants to.)

I drove away at first thinking, "What an awesome house! What would it be like to wake up every morning there?" By the time I got 20 minutes down the road, I started thinking, "$30,000 for door hinges?? There has to be a better use for that money."

Later that same day, I kid you not, I was walking around Riverwalk and a woman asked me to buy food for her two children. I couldn't. I didn't have it to give her. The discrepancy between these two situations struck me. Hard. Bums ask for money. Hungry people ask for food.

And then came the tsunami in Japan. I've already blogged on this (see link), but I thought about all of the homes, all of the things these people worked their whole lives to build, floating in the ocean. So what's it all for?

I've been feeling miserable for a while, thinking about the things that I haven't been able to provide for my kids that I wish I could. Disappointed that I couldn't give them that white picket fence. Beating myself up because I couldn't give them the life I envisioned for them. But the truth is, we have everything that we need. Abundantly. God has given us stability, food, shelter, air, clothing, and a family to lean on. Our four walls will never make the cover of Southern Living, but it's comfortable, and we don't mind having people over to see it. My kids have friends in their schools, they're doing fairly well. They're happy. Their biggest issue is who gets to get on the computer first. We're all in church and growing in our faith again.

We are so blessed!!!

So I guess these thought processes have been leading up to one question: What do I want to work for?

More later. I have to get to work!

A New View of Life, Part 1

There's something that's been on my mind for a couple of weeks now, but it's kind of complex and I haven't really had time to sit down and flesh it out on paper. I really don't have time now, either, and I'm quickly coming to the conclusion I never will. Sooo....perhaps this is going to be a series of smaller blog posts.

I've finally stopped looking back; I'm looking ahead. I'm all put back together again, with a few weak joints still, but it's all good. I'm not treading water, either, trying to just make it from day to day the best way I know how. I'm really ready to move forward.

I'm in the perfect position to determine where I want to go. I have almost nothing. I can choose to see that as a disadvantage, or I can see it as a place to build from. I choose B. (Yes, these are my plans, and God may laugh, but He can't change my direction if I'm standing still. I like to think He's behind my new way of thinking.)

I've been talking for a long time about buying my own house. I want that security. But I want to own it outright. Otherwise, what's secure about it? And I really want to stop giving away more than a quarter of my salary. I can do so much more with that money. (Hang on to that idea. We'll get back to it later.)

I get frustrated with my job sometimes because I earn just enough to cover the bills, and I rarely have anything left over for anything else. I feel like I'm never going to get ahead at this rate.

And then I start thinking: what exactly is "ahead"? The two story house with a white picket fence? That would have been lovely to raise children in. But unless I finally hit that lottery win, I won't be getting it. My youngest will graduate high school in six years. What good is a 2,000 square feet, 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms to knock around in it by myself? Because it will take me at least that long to get it.

I think it's more realistic to stop thinking about buying a home for my children, and instead think about where I want to live out the rest of my days. Where do I want my kids to come "home" to and to bring the grandchildren? When I move from this rental, where my children have more roots than they have ever known, it won't be into a "starter" home. It will be into the place I will stay until I can't manage alone anymore.

Long story short, unless God sends Mr. Right-For-Me, it's just going to be me. Don't get me wrong...I hope He does. In the meantime, what do I want? What do I need? A lot less than I'm used to thinking I do.That's what all of this really comes down to: need versus want. I need four walls and a roof. I want the marble palace. Don't I? Nah...not really.

I have figured what I do want, and I will share it in a later post. My next post on this subject will cover what I'm thinking about money. Maybe. Or maybe more on the "need vs. want." It all ties in together to form the vision I see for the next chapter in my life. But for now, I need to move the kids toward the bed.

They take full advantage of the fact that I'm occupied!

I found the passenger brake

I have all of these wonderful blog ideas tumbling around in my head. I'd love to share them with you, but now that I have two teenagers on social networking sites, I can't get a word in edgewise! Like giving them the phone isn't enough. Sheesh! How is a mom supposed to socialize anymore?

In other news, I have found the passenger brake. It's called Christopher's right arm. If he doesn't slow down fast enough to suit me, I commence to tapping. While gripping the armrest and stomping the floorboard. It's awful. I know. I don't really hit him. Just tap him enough to take his foot off the gas and to make him go "Mom, I got it!"  It works, too. As long as it doesn't backfire and he stomps on the gas, we're good. I really don't mean to do it, but stomping my foot into the floorboard is...not at all effective. Perhaps driver's education is a viable career option for me. No? LOL

He really is a good driver. He likes the speed a little more than I'm comfortable with, but he does really well. This moment happened only once on a 20 minute ride home, his first in the dark, I think. We were approaching an intersection faster than I was comfortable with. I'll give him this...at least he hasn't put my car in the ditch. Like I did my dad's truck....and scared the crap out of my sister...and took two guys in another truck to pull us out with a chain.

We won't be driving in the old neighborhood anytime soon.

The wedding

It's late and I promised Catie I'd help recreate the straight hairdo she wore to Hope's wedding yesterday. Hairdresser, I ain't. I'm seriously considering taking lessons from my sister this time around. No...really.

Anyway...here's how the weekend went down.

Friday I worked my butt off to try to finish work on time. I didn't. Thursday I was so nauseous from the migraine that I had to leave work early. Friday I still felt sick, but the headache was gone and I couldn't finish work. I made up my mind to finish it up today, and hit for Waynesboro. (Do what you can....forgive yourself for the rest. One of the many mottos I live by!)

The place she chose was absolutely gorgeous. It was a cabin on the banks of the Savannah River on I don't know how many acres of land. Spanish moss everywhere. The wedding was held outdoors. We did a quick run-through of where everything would take place, and then we sat down to a spaghetti and salad dinner in front of the fire in this huge brick fireplace.

(I will be blogging more about this cabin. I am completely in love. It will be mine. Oh, yes, it will be mine. Or...one just like it!)

Lemme tell ya...Miss Betty (Michael's mama) made some nanner puddin' and some kind of eclair dessert that was so good it makes you want to slap your mama! And she didn't leave a drop for us for breakfast!!! 'Twas for the best, I suppose. We did have dresses to fit into the next day.

Sam (Hope's sister), me and Catie spent the night at the cabin. Michael and Hope sat around the fire with us after everybody left and we just chatted until midnight. It was very relaxing. I about fell asleep in my rocking chair.

As exhausted as I was, I couldn't sleep! Who was mad was me!! The longer I was awake, the madder I got, the harder it was to fall asleep...and so on. We got up at 7 a.m. the next morning. I don't know what time I finally fell asleep, but I'm pretty sure it was 6:55.

It was very cool that morning and the fire had burned out during the night, but the day of the wedding warmed up nicely. The wind was cool, but the shawls Hope gave us as bridesmaid's presents was just the thing to keep us warm...and protect modesty for those of us who had saftey pins holding our dresses in place. (Not mine...completely...but safety pins were involved nonetheless.) The ceremony was very sweet. The bride and groom said their own vows. The wedding cake was beautiful, and looked like blades of grass on the sides (the topper was a couple in blue jeans, perfect for a casual country wedding). The food was delicious...especially for those of us that skipped lunch (all of us). I was immensely relieved not to have caught the bouquet.

Okay...I have to comment here. You ever notice how once upon a time, women would cat fight to be the one to catch the bouquet? And nowadays, we act like it's some disease we'll catch instead. There were like five of us in the back with our hands up going "Nope!!!" hehehehe I think Sam only caught it because if she hadn't, it would have beaned her in the head!

After the reception was over, the cleaning up was done, and the last of the family members carried off the last of the leftovers, Catie and I were still there. I was so exhausted, but I asked Hope if she would mind if, for just a couple of minutes, I sat out on the back deck to just be quiet for a minute and take in the beauty of my surroundings. Ya'll...I really am going to need to move back to the country. I think so.

Hope and I just sat out there on the swing, caught our breaths and chatted for a minute while we watched the river, about the weekend, the wedding and concerns over a friend. Then, Catie and I went home. I swear, a bed never felt better than mine did last night. I'm praying tonight it feels just as good.