Facebook with the kiddies

I love my kids.

Today wasn't a terrible day, just kind of a busy one. I had a headache. I just wanted to sleep.

I talked to my daughter on Facebook while I edited Dear Amy (Editing Dear Amy is the highlight of my week. No, really. Or at least the weeks I don't write about fabulous houses. But I digress...)

They're going to quit chatting with me if I don't quit being a mom. But then it just gets silly. Our conversations end up like this:

Me: "you should be cleaning your room"
Catie: "i know. i'm talking to my friends."
Me: "ok. just sayin'. you should be cleaning your room. hey...how about manwich for dinner."
Catie: "k"
Me: "go see if we have ground beef. in the big freezer"
Catie: "k. brb"
Catie: "yea, we do"
Me: "please set it out on the counter to thaw"
Catie: "k. will white ice kill me?"
Me: "will white ice kill you?"
Catie: "yea"
Me: "uh, no, why?
Catie: "ok, good. cuz i ate some"
Me: "LOL what if i had said yes?
Catie: "i would say take me to the hospital."

Sigh. How many days til school starts back??

P.S.: I still have snowballs in my freezer from last winters snows. All of the snows. Just sayin'.

Karaoke wild nights

Alright, so I have to share Friday night with you...because it was just crazy!

I always brag about M's as being small and intimate. It's rarely very busy, and that's how I like it. It means the list of singers isn't very long. As preschool as it sounds, I get to sing a lot. Therefore, I like it.

Because it's usually a small crowd, I'm very comfortable, the owner and waitresses know me, it turns into a small, not-too-wild party as the night wears on, and somehow it becomes easy to mingle. Oh, and we can get the DJ to play dance music if we're so inclined, and we can do some dancing in the corner. On a good night, there will be a cutie sitting at the bar who might ask me to dance, or just want to talk. Okay, that's only nice if I'm not dating anyone. 

I was shocked when I walked in Friday night at it was wall-to-wall GI's. Dang, I meant to ask Glenn what's going on on post this week! When I say slammed, I mean by the time Hope and Michael got there we were scrounging for chairs. I have NEVER seen it that packed!

I thought, Dang. I'm never going to get to sing. Luckily most of them were content to watch and drink.

The ones that did sing A) could really sing and  B) picked fantastic songs. I was the one that slowed them down with all of my JoDee Messina!

I had to lead off with Journey because frankly, I was nervous! By now I've done that song so much I sing it by rote. It's a great warm up song. Before I could even open my mouth, though, the guys at the table in front of me started clapping and saying things like, "Go Lisa!" (The DJ calls you up by name. Anonymity what?) I said, "But you haven't even heard me sing yet!"

They said, "We have faith!" Oookkaayy.

One dude seemed particularly interested and became my own personal heckler.

Once as I was heading back to the mic, I hear him say, "She's my favorite!" Yes, I was flattered. I also started counting female singers. There was me, and....wait, I think there was one other woman who sang one song. Yep. That was it. I did not, however, count the number of drinks he had.

I sang Ten Thousand Angels by Mindy McCready. There's a line in there that says "I can tell he's gonna ask me to dance, but that's not as far as he wants to go."

He said, "No it's not!" Oh, dear.

I sang, "I need ten thousand angels," looked pointedly at him "to help me tell him NO!"

I scoped for a wedding ring. (I can't help it. It's reflex.) Yep...there was that telltale flash of gold. Nice.

A friend from Sunday School class wanted to come. I was really happy she wanted to see me sing, and quite concerned what she would think of this crowd. Especially when they announced a beer chugging contest!! Naturally she chose then to show up! I just knew she was going to think, "Oh, my...Lisa's quite the wild child. And she seems so quiet!"

It did not help when the DJ asked for women to participate in this contest, and my table of loyal followers started chanting, Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!

Ya'll, I'm game for a lot of things, but...NO!

My friend stayed to hear me sing a couple of songs. She seemed to have enjoyed it. I hope so, anyway. I'll be curious about the discussion in Sunday School this morning, though.

As I left, my "heckler" stopped me outside the door, shushed the person he was talking to and said "Are you leaving, Lisa? I was going to buy you a drink or something!"

I said "Thanks, anyway. Bye, ya'll have a nice night." A half a dozen others piped up to tell me good night, as well.

The whole time I'm driving home I'm thinking...what in the HECK was going on at M's tonight???

"It had to be yoooouuuu..."

Did I mention I have two teenagers who are permanent fixtures at Facebook? I just can't get a word in edgewise anymore. I could force them off, but it would be like taking candy from a baby. You have tried taking candy from a baby, right? I never understood why the cliche makes it sound easy.

Problem is, it's harder to think of good things to write about before my first cup of coffee.

But here's a little something and then I've got to get ready for work...after I get that coffee. Catie, Glenn (my fella, as my dad would say ;) ) and I were watching A League of Their Own last night. I love that movie! Remember when Marla Hooch was drunk at the bar and was singing to Nelson? Yep! That will be my next karaoke song. I'm going to sing it just as good, too! Now that I'm thinking about it, I should have demonstrated my skills. I may need to practice.

Catie said, "Oh, please no!"

"What did you do to her?"
"Nothing. We just gave her a dress."

"And a lot of liquor." 

Bahahahahaha

Catie said if I do this, she'll show Glenn a "blackmail" video of me dancing with a considerably older, non-English speaking, intoxicated Hispanic guy at Margaritaz. I am not embarrassed by that one. I thought she was alluding to the video she posted on Facebook (and was advised to remove posthaste!) of me sitting on the couch in my pajamas at 11:30 at night doing my best rendition of Old Time Rock 'n' Roll. Now that would have embarrassed me! I mean, I didn't even have the Oxford and bobby socks! Or the gravelly tune in the bucket, for that matter.

Hee hee...you thought I was going to post the video itself, didn't you? Would you??

Okay...now it's time to get on with my Friday. Ya'll have a good one! ;)

The storms

Oy, what a weekend for weather.

I was at a friend's house last week when the first bad storm hit. It was crazy! All of a sudden the television was drowned out by the sound of hail hitting the window...although it could have just been the wind. Branches that usually lay shading the roof were standing straight up on end. The rain flew sideways and stung. And then the lights went out. I wanted desperately to go home. Somehow you can never quite be comforted until you can see with your own eyes that everything at home is okay. It was. We were one of the fortunate ones.

Saturday the kids and I went to the lake with Hope and her family. It was nice, hot -- the water felt great. Hope and her husband, Michael, needed to run to the store before we could fire up the grill. A few minutes later, the thunder began to get louder and the clouds got darker. I made the kids get out of the lake (I wonder why I was the only adult in the whole swim area to think that swimming in thunder is a bad idea?) and we began moving our stuff from the beach to the picnic site, and then quickly to the pavilion. The breeze picked up by the time Hope and Michael got back. They fired up the grill and had just put the hot dogs on when the bottom fell out. I prayed the hot dogs wouldn't be soggy. (I was hungry! They were delicious...with Hope's homemade slaw. :) )

The rain sure looked pretty falling on the lake. We watched for a while as we ate. Okay...a very short while. But it looked like it would blow on through.

Looks are clearly deceiving. The sky got darker still, the rain fell harder and the lightning got closer. And closer. We huddled in beach towels, fully dressed, in center of the pavilion and tried in vain to stay dry (i.e. warm). We fought our trash as it tried to fly away. We tried to keep restless kids corralled and from running out to play in the lightning. We prayed it would stop long enough to pack up the cars.

After a particularly close lightning strike, followed by an bone rattling boom, we decided it was worth it to get wet and go home.

Hope said, "It's always an adventure when me and Lisa get together."

Catie said, "Do you always have to bring adventure?"

Apparently, my darling, we do. We just don't always plan it.

The family reunion

I'm getting ready to go to the family reunion.

I think I've told you about my family already. I've gotten a bunch of different reactions when I tell people where I'm going today. Some have laughed and said, "You have fun with that." Some have said theirs isn't much of a reunion.

I think of Jeff Foxworthy and his descriptions of family reunions, and I realize: People don't usually have very good connotations.

That's sad. I've always looked forward to mine.

Our reunions simple affairs. We find a pretty place with a body of water and a pavilion for shelter. Somebody orders fried chicken, and everybody brings sides and desserts. We eat, we talk, the kids go swimming and the grandparents fan themselves in the pavilion over Nanny's famous banana cake (now made by Aunt Neecie) and catch up on the latest family news: who's graduating, who's getting married, who's got a new job, who bought a new house, and so on and so forth.

Most of these people we only see twice a year. We comment on how big the children have gotten, and sometimes try to figure out who belongs to whom. But you can't let on that you don't know, so there's a lot of "Mama, who's child is that? I don't remember seeing her before. OH, wow. That's her? Boy she's gotten big!"  There's no drama. We're a polite bunch. If someone has a problem with someone else, it's handled elsewhere because we all know this isn't the place for that. (You really don't want to bring it up here unless you want The Family to know all your business!)

Attendance is dwindling. Some are out of town and just can't come. Some won't go if others don't go. Some are just busy, or are on vacation. But we still hold it, so those who want to reconnect can.

We are reinforcing the importance of family, and family is important. Even the distant cousins I only see twice a year. I think this is one of the greatest gifts our grandparents left us.

Little red one-piece

Bathing suit shopping. I'd rather have a root canal.

The worst thing about it is that there is no hiding from the cheesecake and chocolates. They are right there on your tummy and thighs for the whole world to see.

But my bathing suit is a couple of years old and starting to show wear.

I wish I were a guy. They pick a pair of trunks in a pattern they like and go. Do they even try them on?

No, we have to make sure they don't show too much cleavage, that they flatter the tummy, that they don't ride up our fannies too much. And above all, does it make me look like a beached whale? Be honest! Friends don't let friends leave the house looking like a skank. Or Shamu in a string bikini.

I like my old one. A nice, slimming (I hope) black one piece with multicolored ruching under the bust that I hope makes me look skinny. The straps and neckline have a faint Marilyn Monroe-esque quality.

But I've decided that if I absolutely must buy a new one, I want a sexy red one. Not showy...that's not me. I think just being red will make it sexy enough. Like fire-engine red. I think it will look really good with my tan. And red is my favorite color.

Apparently, nearly no one agrees with me that this would be a good color for a swimsuit. I can find the suckers in leopard print faster than I can in red. Royal blue is a dime a dozen. There's a particular look I want, too, but I don't know if I can describe it. I don't want a plain Jane red swimsuit. I want one that rocks! I may not have too many years left to look decent in it...so now is a good time to have one, I think.

Ruching is a must. I need all the tummy slimming tricks I can get. And if it has a gold ring or something at the center of the bust, that would be very cool. Maybe a halter top comes off of it and around my neck.

Does anybody know where I might be able to find this creature? Oh...and for Walmart prices? ;-) The search is ON!

Teachable moments

You have to find teachable moments wherever you can.

My daughter has quite a few little boyfriends. This concerns me and I try to watch her closely. I believe if I prohibit it, it will push her straight into the arms of something awful. So I watch closely, limit their "relationship" to the phone and Facebook (no dates), and sit back somewhat uncomfortably and pray she makes better decisions than I did. Oh please oh please oh please.

The only thing I know to do is teach her to respect herself, and to demand respect from the opposite sex. Basically, equip her to make good decisions.

Being a single mom gives me a better opportunity to model this than if I were married, I believe.

I went on a date Saturday. He pulled up in the driveway to pick me up, and Catie said, "Mom, he's here. Aren't you going out there?"

I said, "No. He can come to the door. Are you listening, my dear daughter. He should always come to the door to get you."

Yeah, maybe those weren't my exact words. I never actually say "dear daughter," even though I mean it. But there was definitely some variation on the rest.

The next day, I also told her, just in case I never had before, to always open the car door for him. "As long as he opens yours first," I said. "It messes with their heads!" :-)

The lessons are just beginning.

I have to share this with you, in case you aren't my Facebook friend.

How awesome is this?

Jennifer  is a fantastic photographer who came up with this idea of taking photos of people wearing these awesome fake 'staches she made. 

My mom didn't even have to be convinced, and my daughter took even less convincing. I'm jealous she found a blue one!

My son says that besides the fact I'm a woman, I would look really good with a moustache. What do you think?

That was way too much fun. :)