No...it's half FULL

The sun is shining and it's a gorgous day. I spent the morning at church. I barely heard the sermon, but not for the reasons you might think.

I just can't find the discouragement I'm supposed to feel right now.

Okay, truthfully, I have my moments. It usually follows the thought "What am I going to do when the severance runs out?" The answer: "Well, you'll get unemployment. It'll be fine. That's weeks away."

Then comes the thought: "What if I go six months and I can't find a job?" The answer: "I'll deal with that bridge when and if I cross it. I haven't even started yet. That day may never even come. Focus on today."

And then I'm out of discouraging thoughts. All morning during the sermon I kept thinking...what a gift I've been given! There are so many things I've wanted to do if only I'd had the time. I want to volunteer for a food bank. I want to feed the hungry. So guess what? This week I will apply to volunteer. Because, I mean, why not? (I can add it to my resume. It certainly won't hurt.) If nothing else, it will give me a reason to step away from the computer, put on shoes and focus on something other than a job search. It will also remind me just how blessed I am.

Cathy reminded me about the book I've always wanted to write. Do you have any idea how quickly it could be written if I just devote maybe two hours a day to it? I mean, why not?

I've wanted to try my hand at freelancing, and I have a Writer's Market to pore through. It's full of magazines that use freelancers. It tells me who to contact, what they're looking for and how much they pay per article. Maybe I'll see my byline in Better Homes and Gardens. Or Georgia magazine. Why not? Again, it is something to try while I have the time. It will be something positive to focus on. And it will keep my skills sharp.

I think the shock is gone. I just can't help but feel like the world is my oyster, and I am free to go in whatever direction I choose to. What I have to figure out now is...where do I WANT to go from here?

For the moment, I want to go spend the afternoon with some dear girlfriends. Ya'll have a good day! :)

And here I thought WV was a big adventure!

So. I find myself standing at the rear of the unemployment line. One of the latest casualties of the Great Economic Downturn.

Other than feeling like I've been hit by a Mack truck, I'm actually fine with it.

I had not realized just how stressed I have been. When I walked in to work that fateful morning, I had a knot in my chest, tight shoulders, the beginnings of a two-day migraine and no idea what was coming. All I knew is I had a week's worth of work to do and three days to do it in.

Here I am two days later and the knot is gone and the shoulders are relaxed. Yes, the headache blew up into a miserable, two-day migraine, but it's now gone, too. I still have no idea what's coming. I just know it's going to be okay somehow. It always is.

It's not that I don't care. I do. But I figure I have to take this in stages. It feels like a breakup. Perhaps a much softer version of a death. It is a loss, as my counselor would say. I have to grieve it, even if I'm kind of glad it happened. I won't be grieving for a long time, but I will need a minute. After all, I spent 10 years working to get here. Well...there.

Yes, I said I'm glad it happened. I never would have found the time to look for a job I'm more suited for if this hadn't happened. There's safety in the familiar. Especially for a single mom with two kids to support.

They took it well. Catie put her arms around me, trying to comfort me. Christopher is more concerned with the details. What are we going to be able to do, and what aren't we going to be able to do? What if I can't find a job?  Where am I going to look?

He said he feels more pressure now to find a job himself.

"Why?" I was quick to ask. "You are 16. Enjoy being 16. You're only young once. It is not your place to have to worry about supporting this family. That is my job."

"I know," he said. "But if I want anything, like a car, I need a job."

"Okay. As long as you're talking about getting a job to buy the stuff you want. But you are not going to worry about taking care of the family."

I have amazing kids.

I do have a plan, and here it is: I'm not thinking about anything of import until Monday. Until then, I'm shock-absorbing.

Today, I will clean my house, maybe spend time with my sweetie, pay some bills (yay for payday!), and do some grocery shopping. I will make cheesecakes to take to my family gathering tomorrow. I will do laundry.

Life goes on.

Next week is the kids' last week before school starts back. I'm thinking a Thursday or Friday lake trip sounds like a wonderful idea. We have school shopping to do. I will spend time with them next week.

I am curious to see what the next chapter in my life hold. But I do know this: I will not worry. God will provide.

Adventure, 2011!

I want a summer home in West Virginia.

It was gorgeous. The mountains, especially through Pennsylvania, reminded me so much of Germany. I even saw windmills and crosses. The only things missing were the random castles on the mountains. Oh, well there was the occasional mountainside resort. I guess that's kind of the same thing.

Teresa and I decided this is why West Virginia and Pennsylvania have such a large German population. It would look a lot like home. Just beautiful.

Anyway, we came home a little waterlogged, with bruised bums and skinned knees. Badges of honor!

This is a natural waterslide in Ohiopyle, Pa. Okay, let me rephrase. This is a part of a natural waterslide in Ohiopyle, Pa. The piece we actually rode down. It is fun until you hit that first point where your head goes under, you get disoriented and you realize the river carries you and you have very little control over where you end up. I guess you have to do it more than once to get a good feel for it, but I chickened out. Catie did it once, and Christopher went three times. He even went the whole length (and then promptly advised us not to do that.)

This seems to be a popular hangout. Below the waterfall is sort of a pool where you can just swim in the river. It doesn't look it in that picture, but there were a lot of people there. Lots of families, too, and little kids sliding. I guess it could be that my adventuresome side isn't as large as I'd like to believe! ;)

Teresa insists if she wasn't pregnant, she would have done it with us. Instead, she sat on the sidelines with the video and her pom poms. (She didn't really have pom poms, but she sure cheered! ;) )

It was very different from this place:

The nearby Youghiogheny River. (I'm getting better at spelling it than I am pronouncing it!)
You could walk all the way across it. I don't think it ever gets really deep in this part of the river, but if you're as tenderfooted as I am, good luck getting across it! It felt like it took a half an hour for Catie and I to make it out to our knees. I can tell you...I didn't want to get my suit wet because I didn't want to be that cold for that long. Thankfully, skin dries fast!

What's funny is the difference in temperature between the river and the falls. The water at the waterslide, not a mile away, was much warmer. Of course, the adrenaline could have made a difference.

Teresa and Christopher sat on the grass on the banks of the river. Christopher amused himself taking pictures of the various dogs wandering around with their owners. That and trying to get candid shots of his mother and sister wobbling in the river. I will have to post those once I get them off my camera. He's a good photographer.

Sunday we went to Laurel Caverns.

Teresa had the forethought to bring big, matching Nebraska sweatshirts. I had the forethought to bring neither pants nor sneakers. My top half was toasty! My lower half...not so much. I love my Tommy Hilfiger flip flops. They do not make good spelunking-wear. How I did not, in a couple of places, slide off into a black oblivion I will never know. Near the end of the tour they turned off all the lights (is there a cave tour anywhere that doesn't feel the need to make you experience pure darkness?), and then did a flashing light display to Handel's Hallelujah Chorus. That was different, and had to do with being underground how, exactly?

We spent Sunday afternoon at the pool in Morgantown. They had waterslides the kids convinced me to get on. I know, I know. They had to twist my arm...not hard at all. We spent most of our time on the slides or the diving board. We hit a point where the kids wore me out. But it was good. The pool closed at 6 p.m. and forced us to go on home. We wanted to make spaghetti.

Which we did. We made ourselves a nice spaghetti dinner topped off with brownie a la mode and spent the evening recouperating, lounging in the living room and just talking.

The drive home was interminable. Eleven and a half hours. Mostly because it rained off and on almost the whole way, especially through the mountains. Oh, and we ran into two instances of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Once we stopped for a potty break and saw a TCBY, so we decided we needed frozen yogurt to keep us going. We also decided to enjoy it inside the store and took about a 15 minute break from the road.

We hit bad thunderstorms in spots on the way home. We hit one in Aiken and I wanted to cry. I couldn't go more than 40 miles an hour on I-20, because I couldn't see, but we were so close to home!

Let me say, I have never unpacked a car as quickly as we did this one. We walked in the door about 9:30 p.m., I had the rental car returned by 10. My jammies were calling loudly.

The best part of the trip was that Teresa and I got to spend some good girl time talking and catching up. She reminded me that I hadn't seen her since 2004. If she moves to California later this year, who knows when I'll see her again. But I'm pretty sure that's going to mean a plane ticket and a visit...a whole lot sooner than 2016.

We will miss you, Granny

Granny wasn't my grandmother.

She was my aunt's mother-in-law. In ordinary families, I would never have known her.

I've always known her. She was a fixture at my cousins' birthday parties, and included in any get-together my aunt hosted. We saw her several times a year. Now that my cousins' families have grown, we saw her more. She was almost like another grandmother.

I remember when I was about 8 years old, my mother went into labor with my baby sister. She spent three days in the hospital. Granny and Mr. Schlein (her husband...he was still with us then) came and picked Rhonda and me up from school. I remember thinking it was odd that they were the ones who came, but I had no idea anything was wrong. She took us back to her house, and we spent the afternoon playing with my cousin and having a wonderful time. My own grandmother...along with the rest of my family... was at the hospital with my mom. My baby sister died the next day.

Granny always asked how we were doing. If my children weren't around, she'd ask about them. Once, not so very long ago, she invited us to her home for Christmas, and made sure we had presents under the tree.

When I started selling jewelry late last year, Granny bought a pretty black and silver bracelet from me. A little over two weeks ago, at a baby cousin's birthday, she stopped me to show me that she was wearing it. "Look!" she said in her soft, childlike voice. "Isn't that pretty?"

Granny went in for a hip replacement yesterday. My mom went to see her before she went into surgery, and stayed with the family for hours until the doctor delivered unbelievable news: Granny's heart just couldn't take it.

We are still in shock. She was an amazing woman, and she will be sorely missed.

My online dating peeves...thanks for listening!

So...I haven't much wanted to tackle the subject of dating here. I'm kind of private about these things and I don't want to put myself too far out there. Plus, you know how it goes, especially with the Anderson 1,000 and 1 luck. The dude I publicly lambast today will marry my second cousin thrice removed tomorrow, and I'll be forced to eat every syllable twice a year for the rest of my life.

Therefore, I'll be nice. Plus, I'm finding there is plenty I can say about dating without naming names or putting my own neck on the chopping block.

And let's face it. I may be a mom, but I am also single, and single people have the best stories. If they didn't, reality TV wouldn't exist.

So...I will publicly admit this and you can think what you want: I have been known to do the online thing. You want stories? The longer I do this, the more I will have. There is no shortage of material, let me assure you.

I first did this a couple of years ago, when I thought I was ready to start dating and hadn't a clue where to start. It was great for learning to navigate those awful "getting to know you" first conversations. (Please. Never, ever ask me what I like to do for fun. I'm very close to responding, "you remember the Whack-A-Mole at Chuck E. Cheese's? For fun, I like whacking people who ask me what I like to do for fun! Ask me something else!" Seriously, if you talk to me long enough, I'll tell you!)

When I started meeting people in "real life," I went off the site and stayed off two years. Then I hit a point where I realized I hadn't had a date since November. Yeah, something had to happen. So I went fishin' again a couple of months ago.

I have pet peeves when I'm scrolling through profiles. I can't vent them in my profile (one of my pet peeves is people who tell you, in their description of themselves, all of their peeves about other people. But I'm not trying to impress you! ;) )

So here are a few pointers from Lisa's limited online dating experience:

Don't start your description with the words "Well," "Let's see," "First off," or "I hate these things." We all do. Get over it.

Don't write a novel. I'm not going to read it. It's too much like work. One dude updates his periodically...with the date it was last updated. I'm pretty sure Tolstoy's profile wouldn't have been as long. It's a laundry list of what he will and won't put up with. We all have 'em, buddy. There's time to talk about that later.

When you message me, don't just say "Hi." I took the time to tell you a little about me in my profile. Find something in there to ask me about. You can do it. I have faith.

Oh, but if you can't string two coherent sentences into one cohesive thought, we are so not going to get along. I have seen paragraphs - several of them - containing not one period or capital letter. I don't want to have to work that hard to figure out what the heck you're talking about. Click.

People who say they hate cheaters, liars and people who play games. When was the last time you heard someone say, "Oh, I just love it when you lie to me?" We all hate cheaters, liars and game players, buddy. You just have to learn to spot them, which usually involves getting to know them. Because I mean, when was the last time someone said to you, "Oh, I'm sorry. I can't meet you because I lie?" Nobody's going to admit that to you. Especially before they even meet you! Hello! They're liars!

*Sigh.* I'm out to lunch on whether or not this beats a bar. But at least it won't be boring!

Kidless...Day 3

Today, I only put on shoes to go for a walk. I am about to lose them again. Maybe.

I posted about my great find. After that, I found a diary page that Miss Mino had written. At least I assume it was Miss Mino. It's a tiny page with a lot of dates on it. Entries are very short and focused on the day's events, like "Jan. 30: Mr. Burrell came this a.m. about 5:30. (All I could think is, I don't care how cute he is...nobody is hot enough to be knocking on my door at 5:30 a.m.!!). Rec. my ring today. It is a beauty." Engagement ring, I wonder? I bet so. I wish there was a year given. I'm going with sometime in the 1930s.

Okay. Clearly I didn't read this thing all the way through the first time. She seems to be looking for letters from Charles Burell. That's the man she married, judging from other letters. But the entry for Feb. 4 says "No letter. Got a vibrator today." Oh my! Perhaps she didn't consider posterity might read this?? Bahahaha The very next entry on the same day sobers you up in a hurry, though. "Roy Bricker's baby buried today."

Anyway...so my kidless day today was fairly productive. Catie's room is clean. And I do mean clean. She's probably going to kill me, but I'm a happy camper.

I finished a lot later than I wanted, made egg sandwiches again for dinner and went for a long walk. My walking buddy is at a conference until tomorrow, so I had to talk to myself while I walked. (I'm kidding...sort of!) But it felt great to get out of the house and get some blood moving.

I'm trying to talk myself into being in the mood for a movie, but I'm just not. I want to go find some trouble to get into, but that costs money. Ah, well...there's always laundry and bathrooms. Is it Friday yet?

Guess what I found??

I'm finally getting around to cleaning out Catie's room. I know it's her job, but sometimes a mama's got to take matters into her own hands.

I love her, but she is a pack-rat. She gets it honest. Personally, I have a hard time saying no if someone wants to give me something. If it's in good shape, I take it thinking maybe I can use it later. It's a nasty habit I'm trying to break.

My daughter, on the other hand, has no compunction about taking stuff that's offered. Leftover yard sale stuff from her friends' parents? This is how we ended up with some kind of leg brace that covers a cast. None of us have broken a bone. I'm finding old cell phones I've never owned, sunglasses I've never seen before, lip gloss I didn't buy her. It's amazing.

But here's what blew my mind. I was cleaning out her desk drawers when I came across a yellowed, handwritten note about interior decorating and what looked like an old birthday card to someone I've never heard of before.

I ended up pulling this out:

It is a stack of letters, birthday cards and business correspondence dating from 1894 to 1957. From people I've never even heard of.

Most of the postmarks are Hicksville, Ohio, which in the northwest corner of the state.

How about this?

It's a telegram dated June 28, 1894, letting the recipient know that his or her grandmother passed away two days before.

Or how about this:

It's a pathology report dated March 13, 1930. It looks like a diagnosis of some form of eye infection, but I don't understand doctorese. Sorry.

In 1914 The Hart-Hood-Widney Co. Department Store confirmed the employment of Miss Mino Davidson as a bookkeeper and offered its recommendation of her to future employers.

And in a separate letter to her, Mr. Widney wrote: "Trust the recommend will enable you to find a good position as I know you are worthy of the same. Trust you will find it convenient to visit us at the store from time to time and to not fully forget us and the many pleasant times we have had here together in the past few years. We are sorry that you found it necessary to quit the place but we as a firm join in wishing you future success in whatever you find to do." That was sweet! I wonder why she left. Hmmm.....

I thought these letters might be from my ex husband's family. She clings tightly to anything that has to do with him. But his family is from the Newark area, on the opposite side of the state. And I've been shuttling a few of his picture albums around for 14 years now (he left those, but took all of my heirlooms. Go figure.), and I've never seen these before today.

Where on earth did they come from? If they belong to you, please let me know and I'll be glad to return them. The historian in me just keeps thinking...how cool is this?? Any ideas on what I should do with them?

Kidless...Day 2

Day 2: Pretty much the same as Day 1.

I worked a little over. I had some things that needed to be finished. My instinct said "Nooo! I've got to..." Then reason kicked in and said, "you've got to do what? Nothing." It's done. I'll sleep better tonight.

I made the stewed tomatoes and rice for dinner and thought about today's calorie consumption. I'm thinking perhaps I need to find a month-long camp to send them to!  I'm coming in around 1500, and seriously considering burning some of it by going for a walk. If I can stand the heat. Maybe a short one.

Tomorrow I'm off and I'm looking forward to being productive around here. And I'm seriously contemplating coffee with a girlfriend tomorrow afternoon. Or a Starbucks run by myself. Or if I REALLY get a wild hair, there is always the lake. Right by myself. Hmmm...you just never can tell what will strike me, but come on. I'm going to have to find some trouble to get into!

So it's Day 2 and here is what I'm learning: bachelorettehood is not all that different from single-motherhood, just quieter. The biggest difference is that I'm eating less and cleaning more. And I'm not forced to watch anything starring Selena Gomez.

Kidless...Day 1

It's so quiet, and I didn't have to kick anybody off the computer to use it!

It's funny how I missed them as soon as I got to work this morning. Like they're ever there with me. But somehow, 6 p.m. lost a lot of meaning.

I stopped at Kroger on the way home, and bought a loaf of bread, Ramen and stewed tomatoes. I figured egg sandwiches tonight, stewed tomatoes and rice another night, and there's Ramen for backup if I can't find anything better. So this is what being a college kid feels like! Now I'm trying to figure out what I'm taking for lunch tomorrow. I have no idea.

I still can't get used to the idea of eating just whenever I get hungry. Dinner first, as soon as I get home, before I do anything else.

I think it's official. If I'm still single when the kids are grown and gone, the house will be spotless and I will be skinny. Meals will be ready in five minutes or less and will consist of rice, noodles, vegetables and eggs. I mean really, what's the point in frying one chicken leg?

It's 10 p.m. The fridge has had it's semi annual bath, the counters have been scrubbed, laundry and the dishwasher's going, and I was just wondering why I'm sleepy!

It's decaf/movie time. Tomorrow....bedrooms! (Maybe.) :-)

Freedom week is finally here! (oh, um...I mean... I'm really going to miss them!)

It's 11:32 p.m., and I'm waiting on the washing machine to finish because clean bathing suits are needed by morning for camp. This is love, right here.

Yep...my week of freedom starts tomorrow. I can't wait. For months I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my brief foray into bachelorettehood. I still have no idea. Here is what I've come up with so far.

*I need to make sure I have plenty of bread and cereal. Cooking feels like a useless pursuit. Although by Tuesday I may decide to cook a gourmet meal and eat leftovers the rest of the week. Lunch and dinner. Of course, if I do that, by Friday that gourmet meal will sound as appealing as a bologna sandwich, I'm sure. (I am not a fan of bologna sandwiches.) I'm predicting a lot of cheese grits.

*I took Wednesday off from work. The original plan was to go to the beach for the day with a friend. Unless a miracle happens, the beach trip won't. So my newest debate is whether to go through with taking the day off. Right now I'm like YEAH! After two evenings alone...that could seem like a really long stretch of time. I think I'm up for the challenge!

*A friend today teased me about the trouble I'm about to get into. He said he has to make sure to pick up a copy of the Jail Report next week. I contend that it takes money to get into that much trouble. Doesn't it? Seems like money is a prerequisite for leaving the house. I guess I could rob a bank. Two problems solved! HA!

*Today I'm looking at my house and my yard and I'm thinking, what my tan will lack, my house will gain. There will be no kids around, and any mom will tell you that the best cleaning gets done when nobody's home. Trash day will be full. The fridge will be clean. And (gasp!) Catie's room is high on my list! She will not be home to object....and she has been warned!!!

I'll even have time to blog, and I won't have to fight for the computer to do it! I'll try to keep you posted on how it's going.